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Alexandra
House Safety Plan
Safety during an argument or violent incident
- If an argument seems unavoidable, try to move to a room
or area that has access to an exit or a phone. Avoid the bathroom, kitchen,
or anywhere near weapons.
- Practice how to get out of your home safely. Identify
which doors, windows, elevator, or stairwell would be best.
- Have a packed bag ready and keep it in an undisclosed
but accessible place in order to leave quickly.
- Identify a neighbor you can tell about the violence
and ask that they call the police if they hear a disturbance coming
from your home.
- Devise a code word to use with your children, family,
and neighbors when you need the police.
- Decide and plan where you will go if you have to leave
home (even if you don't think you will need to).
- Use your own instincts and judgment. If the situation
is very dangerous, consider giving the abuser what he/she wants to calm
him/her down. You have the right to protect yourself until you are out
of danger.
- You don't deserve to be hit or threatened!
Safety when preparing to leave
- If possible, open a savings account in your own name
to start to establish or increase your independence. Think of other
ways in which you can increase your independence, including knowing
what you can do about your monthly income and credit debts.
- Leave money, an extra set of keys, copies of important
documents, and extra clothes with someone you trust
so you can leave quickly.
- Determine who would be able to let you stay with them
or lend you some money.
- Keep the shelter's phone number close
at hand and keep some change or a calling card on you at all
times for emergency phone calls. Memorize emergency
numbers. You can call shelters collect or dial 911 at no charge.
- Review your safety plan as often as possible in order
to plan the safest way to leave your abuser. Leaving your abuser can
be the most dangerous time.
- The violence is never your fault.
You deserve to be safe at all times.
Safety in your own home
- Change the locks on your doors as soon as possible. Buy
additional locks and safety devices to secure your windows.
- Discuss a safety plan with your children for times when
you are not with them. Teach children about the use of "911"
and when to call the police.
- Inform your children's school, day care, etc. about
who has permission to pick up your children. Discuss with them who they
can tell at school or daycare if they see the abuser.
- If possible, keep a phone in a room which can be locked
from the inside or obtain a cellular phone to keep with you at all times.
Get an unlisted number, block caller ID or use an answering machine
to screen calls.
- Inform your neighbors and landlord that your partner
or ex-partner no longer lives with you and that they should call the
police if they see him/her near your home.
- If you are in danger and can reach a phone call 911.
Safety with a protective order
- Keep your protective order on you at all times. Make
extra copies to keep in your car, at work, in your brief case, or purse.
- Call the police if your partner or ex-partner breaks
the protective order.
- Think of alternative ways to keep safe if the police
do not respond right away.
- Inform trusted family, friends, neighbors, co-workers
or employer that you have a protective order in effect.
Safety on the job and in public
- Inform key people at work of your situation. This should
include office or building security and supervisor. Provide a picture
of your abuser if possible to the security guard.
- Arrange to have someone screen your telephone calls
if possible. If the abuser attempts to contact you at work, save the
voicemail, e-mail or written message.
- Devise a safety plan for when you leave work. Have someone
escort you to your car or bus. If possible, vary your route home. Think
about what you would do if something happens while going home (in your
car, on the bus, etc.)
Safety and emotional health
- If you are thinking of returning to a potentially abusive
situation, discuss an alternative plan with someone you trust.
- If you have to communicate with your partner or ex-partner,
determine the safest way to do so.
- Have positive thoughts about yourself and be assertive
with others about your needs. You may wish to read books, articles,
and poems to help you feel stronger.
- Receive support from someone whom you can talk with
freely and openly.
- Plan to attend a woman's or victim's support group to
gain support from others and learn more about you and the relationship.
- Receive support and information through a 24-hour crisis
line or advocate service.
- You are not alone. There are others who can provide
you with assistance in safety options, information, resources and support
24-hours a day, seven days a week.
Contact Alexandra House, Inc.
Crisis/TTY Phone Line:
(763) 780-2330
"There are so many resources out now, domestic
violence is no longer just a dirty little secret. Every church should
have a food pantry and money set aside for women trying to escape abusive
situations. When we're trying to run away from our batterers, we ain't
got no money. The perpetrators have all the money." – Survivor
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