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I
CORINTHIANS 13
The words of Paul found in I Corinthians 13 gives us a standard
for measuring our core behavior as Christians. It is the witness of this
standard in our actions and our relationships that marks us before God
and the world as a follower of Jesus Christ, and citizens and inheritors
of the kingdom.
As a standard for all of our lives, I Corinthians 13 can
also point to the ways we are treated that are not love. These ways, if
they continue on a regular basis, are abusive and rob your spirit, and
theirs, of the joy and blessing of life God wanted for us, and of the
capacity to love as Christ loved us.
The following comparison may help you discover
if you are in an abusive relationship:
- A person who is not loving, and therefore abusive:
- Expects you to be obedient and compliant without question,
does not tolerate your independent action.
- Sees themselves as the only source of knowledge and
information to be used, and often sees your input as a threat.
- Turns minor things into major arguments and incidents.
- Often uses gifts and special attention to make up for
hurting you, rather than changing their outlook or
behavior.
- Threatens to hurt you, the children, and others. Hurts
you physically and emotionally. Expects you to have sex on demand (sometimes
against your will).
- Prevents you from appreciating something
about someone else, reacts with extreme jealousy.
- Expects everyone to meet their needs. Gets suddenly
angry, often explosive. Destroys your personal property. Constantly
reminds you of your failings. Insults you, calls you names, and belittles
you.
The standard for love as found in I Corinthians
13:
- If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but
have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
- If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries
and all knowledge, and if I have faith that can move mountains, but
have not love, I am nothing.
- If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my
body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
- Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it
does not boast, it is not proud.
- It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily
angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
- Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
- It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always
perseveres.
- Love never fails.
- But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where
there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it
will pass away.
- For we know in part and we prophecy in part, but when
perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
- When I was a child, I talked as a child, I thought like
a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man [woman], I put
childish ways behind me.
A person who is not loving, and therefore abusive:
- Defends their hurtful behavior, blaming you for their
actions.
- Does not care to hear about your problems. Willingly
humiliates you in front of others. Prevents you from going where you
want. Prevents you from working, attending activities, seeing family
and friends.
- Is no longer the caring person you remember, but seems
like someone else.
- Reacts to changes and losses by hurting you, blaming
you.
- Unwilling to acknowledge when they make a mistake.
- Does not accept you for who and what you truly are.
- Treats you as a child.
- Reacts strongly when you defend yourself or you are
assertive for your needs.
- Prevents you from doing any self-improvement like classes,
counseling.
- Does not believe you, value you, or accept you for who
and what you truly are.
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we
shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even
as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love.
But the greatest of these is love. |
