Creating a Safe Place:
   Encourage to Change

     Family Peacemaking Materials for Clergy, Lay Leaders, Staff & Laity

 

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Introduction

Manual Overview

BOOK I: Faith Community Curriculum for Clergy and Lay Leaders

BOOK II: Family Violence: Helping Survivors and Abusers – A Manual for Faith Communities
Purpose
Definitions
Survivors:
   - Characteristics

   - Indicators of Abuse
   - Actions to Consider
   - Safety Concerns
   - Crisis Counseling and
      Spiritual Support

   - Asking a question:
      Is your partner hurting you?

Abusers (batterers):
   - Understanding Abusers

   - Interventions
   - Treatment
   - Safety Issues
   - Use of Scripture
Marriage and Relationship:
Understanding Scripture Intent

Marriage Preparation:
   - Key Elements

   - Early Warning Signs
   - I Corinthians 13
Supportive background materials:
   - ABC's of Men Who Batter

   - Abuser Quotes
   - Myths About Abusers
   - Self-Assessment Tool
   - Alexandra House Safety Plan
   - Checklist - What to take
     when you leave

Minnesota Metro
Community Resources

Sources and Acknowledgments

BOOK III: Pastor’s Packet: Family Violence Awareness Materials for Pastors

BOOK IV: Curriculum for Laity

Appendix

Early warning signs

Substance abuse
Between 40 and 80% of battering incidents involve substance abuse. People who batter do not batter because of substance abuse, but they may use their dependency as an excuse for their battering. Also, the battering may be more severe when combined with substance abuse.

Physical abuse during courtship
Physical abuse during courtship is a guarantee of later abuse. As time goes on, the abuse usually will become more severe and more frequent. It is a mistake to marry believing this will get better, it will almost definitely become more severe over time.

Violent environment
Violent behavior is learned. Individuals who grow up with abuse in the home often think of abuse as normal behavior.

Cruelty to animals
Anyone who beats a dog or other pets should be considered a likely batterer.

Abuse justified by frustration
When relatively minor problems such as missing a parking space or being jostled in a crowd causes a person to become violent, scream or otherwise seriously over react to the situation, it is highly likely this behavior will repeat itself in the marriage.

Poor self-image
Men often attack women when they feel their masculinity has been threatened. However, many abusers feel quite entitled to use violence and consider themselves superior to their female partners.

Extreme or subtle possessiveness and jealousy
If a person considers his or her partner to be property and becomes enraged or expresses a need to be with the partner as much as possible, or when he or she does not receive all of his or her attention, he or she is a potential abuser. If the potential abuser is threatened by a partner's friendships with others and does not allow the partner to form other friendships, that is a red flag.

A general dislike or mistrust of women (male abusers)