Introduction

Manual Overview

BOOK I: Faith Community Curriculum for Clergy and Lay Leaders

BOOK II: Family Violence: Helping Survivors and Abusers – A Manual for Faith Communities
Purpose
Definitions
Survivors:
   - Characteristics
   - Indicators of Abuse
   - Actions to Consider
   - Safety Concerns
   - Crisis Counseling and
      Spiritual Support
   - Asking a question:
      Is your partner hurting you?
Abusers (batterers):
   - Understanding Abusers
   - Interventions
   - Treatment
   - Safety Issues
   - Use of Scripture
Marriage and Relationship:
Understanding Scripture Intent
Marriage Preparation:
   - Key Elements
   - Early Warning Signs
   - I Corinthians 13
Supportive background materials:
   - ABC's of Men Who Batter
   - Abuser Quotes
   - Myths About Abusers
   - Self-Assessment Tool
   - Alexandra House Safety Plan
   - Checklist - What to take
     when you leave
Minnesota Metro
Community Resources
Sources and Acknowledgments

BOOK III: Pastor’s Packet: Family Violence Awareness Materials for Pastors

BOOK IV: Curriculum for Laity

Appendix

Marriage Preparation

Marriage preparation should include individual, one-on-one assessments and discussions of domestic violence: defining it, identifying characteristics of abusive relationships and comparing them with relationships of respect, trust and equality. Pre-marital counseling is a unique and crucial opportunity for those involved in marriage preparation to assess how each person responds to and deals with not getting his or her own way, differences of opinion, anger and frustration and how they interact and respond to one another. It is helpful to know the lifetime experiences of individuals. For example, 70% of all men who batter saw their mother being battered. Early warning signs can help identify potential batterers. These early-warning signs and other literature or discussion of family violence should become an integral part of any pre-marital programs in the faith community.

Teaching points
Define domestic violence broadly and teach that violence of any kind in marriage and family life is unacceptable.

• Identify the characteristics of respectful and abusive relationships.
• Provide community resource information on advocacy and batterer resources to attendees.
• Extend an open invitation for private discussion with participants.Interviewing points
• See the couple together and separately.
• Discuss respectful and abusive relationships, identify characteristics of each.
• Explore existence of familial violence and identify inherent risks in its presence.
• Assess for presence of any early warning signs (see Self Assessment Tool).

Elements to consider for inclusion in course materials

• A self-assessment tool for both batterers and survivors.
• Printed materials describing domestic violence and what survivors can do.
• An invitation to contact parish staff with any concerns. This recommendation is based on the creation of a "safe place" in the faith community for survivors and abusers to disclose and seek help.
• Promise of absolute and unequivocal confidentiality, except when there is a clear risk of violence to self or others.
• A current list of local resources for survivors and batterers.
• A statement from clergy addressing the issue of domestic violence with special attention given to the misuse or misunderstanding of Scripture and Church teaching about marriage (see Marriage and relationship: Understanding the intent of scripture).

Definition

Violence in an intimate relationship is a systematic pattern of violent, controlling, coercive behaviors intended to punish, abuse and ultimately control the thoughts, beliefs and actions of the victim. It is characterized by an imbalance of power. It may consist of repeated, severe beatings or more subtle forms of abuse including threats and control. It usually results in lack of self-esteem on the part of the victim and a belief that the victim is the cause of the violence. Violence is words and actions that hurt people.