Introduction

Manual Overview

BOOK I: Faith Community Curriculum for Clergy and Lay Leaders

BOOK II: Family Violence: Helping Survivors and Abusers – A Manual for Faith Communities
Purpose
Definitions
Survivors:
   - Characteristics
   - Indicators of Abuse
   - Actions to Consider
   - Safety Concerns
   - Crisis Counseling and
      Spiritual Support
   - Asking a question:
      Is your partner hurting you?
Abusers (batterers):
   - Understanding Abusers
   - Interventions
   - Treatment
   - Safety Issues
   - Use of Scripture
Marriage and Relationship:
Understanding Scripture Intent
Marriage Preparation:
   - Key Elements
   - Early Warning Signs
   - I Corinthians 13
Supportive background materials:
   - ABC's of Men Who Batter
   - Abuser Quotes
   - Myths About Abusers
   - Self-Assessment Tool
   - Alexandra House Safety Plan
   - Checklist - What to take
     when you leave
Minnesota Metro
Community Resources
Sources and Acknowledgments

BOOK III: Pastor’s Packet: Family Violence Awareness Materials for Pastors

BOOK IV: Curriculum for Laity

Appendix

Myths about abusers

From The Minnesota Coalition for Battered Women, 450 N. Syndicate St., Suite 122, St. Paul, MN 55104, 651-646-6177

People who batter must be sick.
Battering is a learned behavior, not a mental illness. The perpetrator's experience as a child and messages received from society contribute to a batterers' perception that violence is an effective and appropriate way to achieve power and control over a partner's behavior. Anyone who batters is accountable for any actions.

Battering is an organic defect, like a disease.
Group facilitators who work with men who batter often hear the excuse "I lost control of my emotions." One facilitator responds, "At the point you lost control and decided to start hitting your partner, who decided to start hitting? When you stopped hitting, who decided the beating would stop?" Batterers remain very much in control.

It is worth noting that in an extremely small percentage of cases, violent behavior may stem from a brain disorder or damage. However, people with this condition commit violent acts at random toward anyone with whom they're in contact. This is not the situation in the vast majority of battering relationships. While some batterers use excuses such as physical problems, drinking and war flashbacks to justify their actions, these "afflictions" usually do not cause them to harm anyone else except their partners. Battering is not a disease but rather a learned behavior. Abusive behavior is within a person's control. A person uses violence to obtain and maintain control over another person.

More importantly, battering can be lethal; a deadly crime that can be perpetrated by social institutions unless they intervene to stop it.

The batterer has a drinking problem, that is the cause of the violence.
Studies reveal that 40 to 80% of the time alcohol is a factor in incidents of domestic violence. Some abusers do not use chemicals at all. However, researchers agree that alcohol is not the cause of domestic violence. Drinking lowers one's control or inhibitions. Chemical use is known to intensify violent behavior but it is not the root cause of the choice to batter. Perpetrators typically make excuses for their violence claiming a loss of control due to chemical use or stress. Batterers who use chemicals need chemical dependency treatment. However, this treatment will not stop the abuse. The treatment is a first step which should be followed by specific work on the violent behavior. A key point: battering is a choice and has nothing to do with loss of control but stems from a desire to exert power and control over a partner.

Abusers batter because they have low self-esteem.
Many people believe that batterers are violent because they feel bad about themselves. They pick on their partners to make themselves feel better. While it may be true that many or all batterers have low self-esteem, this does not explain why they batter. There are many men and women with low self-esteem who are not violent.