Introduction

Manual Overview

BOOK I: Faith Community Curriculum for Clergy and Lay Leaders

BOOK II: Family Violence: Helping Survivors and Abusers – A Manual for Faith Communities
Purpose
Definitions
Survivors:
   - Characteristics
   - Indicators of Abuse
   - Actions to Consider
   - Safety Concerns
   - Crisis Counseling and
      Spiritual Support
   - Asking a question:
      Is your partner hurting you?
Abusers (batterers):
   - Understanding Abusers
   - Interventions
   - Treatment
   - Safety Issues
   - Use of Scripture
Marriage and Relationship:
Understanding Scripture Intent
Marriage Preparation:
   - Key Elements
   - Early Warning Signs
   - I Corinthians 13
Supportive background materials:
   - ABC's of Men Who Batter
   - Abuser Quotes
   - Myths About Abusers
   - Self-Assessment Tool
   - Alexandra House Safety Plan
   - Checklist - What to take
     when you leave
Minnesota Metro
Community Resources
Sources and Acknowledgments

BOOK III: Pastor’s Packet: Family Violence Awareness Materials for Pastors

BOOK IV: Curriculum for Laity

Appendix

Use of scripture

While intimate partner abuse/violence may be a common pattern in some relationships it can never be legitimized by scripture.

"Perhaps I could have been influential in bringing my husband to Christ. Yet, I had enough insight to know that if I didn't get out of the marriage I was going to die. But nobody, not the ministers nor my friends, were giving me permission to get out. No one ever called my husband on his inappropriate behavior. They simply kept talking about my responsibilities as a Christian wife."  – Survivor

"Bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you." Luke 6:28

While the scripture intends seeking help for those who are hurtful to others, its intent is not to accept this behavior. We should pray for perpetrators while recognizing that the church is intolerant of abusive behavior.

"Submit yourselves to one another because of your reverence for Christ." Ephesians 5:21-33

The Revised Standard Version states it slightly differently: "Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ." (Rev. Marie M. Fortune) The instruction to husbands is very clear and concrete. A husband is to nourish and cherish his own body and that of his wife. Physical battering which occurs between spouses is probably the most blatant violation of this teaching.

"If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in one day, and each time he comes to you saying, "I repent," you must forgive him." - Luke 17:3-4

Clergy and abusers alike have been known to tell the abused that the Bible teaches that the abused partners must forgive the abuser. The verses in Luke are cited in support of this position. "If another disciple sins, you must rebuke the offender, and if there is repentance you must forgive." Additionally, they have admonished survivors that if the same person sins against you seven times a day and turns back to you seven times and says, "I repent," you must forgive. The abuser wants the abused to think that even though the abuse continues to occur, the survivor must forgive the abuser and remain in the relationship.

What is the context of this passage, and what ideas in the passage are being left out so that the abuser's own interests are served? First of all, this is a general instruction to all of Jesus' followers. They are to rebuke an offender, they are to forgive the offender and to repeatedly forgive when the offender repents. Does this apply to the specific case of an abused partner? Is the abused partner to rebuke the abuser? The abuser does not ask the spouse to rebuke him--indeed this would most likely precipitate further abuse. The passage is misused to demand not just repeated forgiveness on the part of the abused, but erroneous interpretations suggest the abused party must continue to live in an abusive relationship. This is not what forgiveness means here or elsewhere, nor does it have an adequate understanding of real repentance. Real repentance has the sense of a complete turning around, a change of self. Forgiveness is an attitude of the offended party toward the offender. Forgiveness is not the same as continuing to tolerate abuse. A continued pattern of repeated abuse is not an indication that the true repentance has occurred. After taking care of oneself, the survivors' response to the abuser should be to rebuke or confront him. Then if he repents, forgive him. Repentance, when found in both the Hebrew and Greek references refers to turning around, a change of self.

"Repent and turn from all your transgressions...Get yourselves a new heart and a new spirit!...Turn, then, and live." - Ezekiel 18:30-32

This is the kind of total change that is necessary for an abuser to stop the abusive behavior. Forgiveness depends on this total repentance.

"Each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does...It is to peace that God has called you." - I Corinthians 7:2b-4, 15b

In this letter, Paul writes to answer questions which the Corinthians have about marriage. Some wondered if it is a good thing to marry. (They ask, "Is it good for a man not to touch a woman?" 7:1). The overall principle is in v. 15b. With respect to marriage, Paul has a very egalitarian view. There is no notion of subjugation of woman to man, but mutual submission to one another. Paul speaks of marriages between Christians and non-Christians (a growing phenomenon in cosmopolitan Corinth). He urges that these mixed marriages may have a benefit for the non-Christian partner ("Wife, you may save your husband, husband you may save your wife 7:16). But if this is not possible, the partners are not bound because "it is to peace that God has called you." Abusing partners break the covenant with their spouse, and just as in cases of the mixed marriage where the partners are not bound because of some disagreement, this would also apply when the abuser has severed the relationship. The wife is not bound. God's intent is to "call people to peace."

"He has declared to you, O man, what is good, and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God?"- Micah 6:8

One of the most frequently stated values in both Old and New Testaments has to do with the treatment of members of the human family. The well known phrase from Micah sums up this value: God is directing us to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God. Any person who suffers abuse is not being treated justly or with kindness. Any person who would walk humbly with God would seek to end abuse, wherever it occurs.

Other readings for consideration

"Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy that person. For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple." - I Corinthians 3:16-17

"I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Choose life so that you and your descendants may live." - Deuteronomy 30:19

"The spirit of the Lord is upon me, because God has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. God has sent me to proclaim release to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to let the oppressed go free, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor." (Jesus reading from Isaiah in the temple) - Luke 4:18-19