Creating a
Safe Place:
Encourage
to Change
Family Peacemaking Materials for Clergy, Lay Leaders, Staff & Laity
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Creating a
Safe Place: Family Peacemaking Materials for Clergy, Lay Leaders, Staff & Laity
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BOOK I: Faith Community Curriculum for Clergy and Lay Leaders BOOK II:
Family Violence: Helping Survivors and Abusers – A Manual for
Faith Communities BOOK III: Pastor’s Packet: Family Violence Awareness Materials for Pastors |
Marriage and relationship: Understanding the intent of scripture When there is mutual love and commitment and two people begin a new life and future together, couples look ahead with high expectations and hopes and dreams of a long and happy life. Both must exert energy towards fostering a stable, life-long relationship. This vision of a loving, respectful home presupposes there is mutual trust and respect, that neither partner will hurt the other physically, sexually or emotionally. Sometimes hurtful behavior has been inappropriately justified by misinterpretation of scripture. "Spare the rod" or "Wives, submit to your husbands" are two examples of this inappropriate use of the Word of God. Use of scriptures by partners to incur physical, sexual or emotional harm on family members are misusing and misinterpreting these very scriptures. "A careful study of both Jewish and Christian scriptures makes it very clear that it is not possible to use scripture to justify abuse of persons in the family." (Rev. Marie M. Fortune, Center for the Prevention of Sexual and Domestic Violence) Fortune goes on to say that sometimes people explain suffering, as when being abused in a relationship, as God's punishment for past sins. These explanations assume God to be stern, harsh and even cruel and arbitrary. This image of God runs counter to a biblical image of a kind, merciful and loving God. The God of this biblical teaching does not single out anyone to suffer for the sake of suffering, because suffering is not pleasing to God. When interpreting biblical texts, people frequently cite short passages out of context. Very often this skews the meaning of the passage, and sometimes actually results in an interpretation of meaning opposite of that intended by the writer. In the following scriptural analyses, the approach was to read the text in its literary and social context to understand the real intent of the meaning of the passage. The following scripture references specifically provide a basis for a marriage that is free of physical, sexual and emotional abuse in the context of the scriptures.* "Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ." - Ephesians 5:21 "For the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church, the body of which he is the Savior. Just as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be, in everything to their husbands." - Ephesians 5:23-24 This passage is often brought to bear when the husband claims he has the right to abuse his wife saying "the husband is the head of the wife" (v. 23) and "wives ought to be everything (subject) to their husbands" (v. 24). Is this what the passage says? Is this what the author intends? In this case, several crucial verses and parts of verses have been omitted to achieve this gross and blatant misreading. The overall principle governing these verses in Ephesians is found in verse 21, "Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ." This passage, as well as others, does not serve the abuser's interests. He does not claim to be subject to his wife. But it does give us an idea about relationships between married people. This passage clearly explains what it means when it says that the husband is the head of the wife. The husband is to follow the model of Jesus' relationship with the church (v. 23) and the relationship between Jesus and the church is "Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (v. 25). Rev. Marie Fortune discusses this point as follows: "The model suggested here of husband-wife relationship is based on the Christ-church relationship. It is clear from Jesus' teaching and ministry that his relationship to his followers was not one of dominance or authoritarianism, but rather one of servant-hood. For example, Jesus washed the feet of his disciples in an act of serving. He taught them that those who would be first must, in fact, be last. Therefore, according to Ephesians, a good husband will not dominate or control his wife but will serve and care for her." "In the same way, husbands should love their wives as they do their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hates his own body, but he nourishes and tenderly cares for it, just as Christ does for the church." - Ephesians 5:28-29 A further explanation of Christ's relationship to the church follows in subsequent verses from Ephesians. Paul explicitly tells husbands how to behave with respect to their wives' bodies. (See also I Corinthians 3:16-17 which also references respect for the body.) We have seen elsewhere that batterers are sometimes dependent on their partners for a sense of self-worth. Battering does not enhance self- worth, it diminishes it. This passage from Ephesians states unequivocally that a husband as the head of the wife must be like Christ and "love her as he loves himself" and "nourishes and tenderly cares for her." Marie Fortune's interpretation states, " This instruction is very clear and concrete. Physical battering that occurs between spouses is probably the most blatant violation of this teaching and a clear reflection of the self-hatred in the one who is abusive." *Interpretation and dialogue in this section provided by Christine Frank, Ph.D., Professor of Theology, College of St. Catherine, St. Paul, MN. |