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Survivors
Characteristics
"Life was so painful, and I was spiritually lost.
Pastor Pamela gave me plenty of space and time. 'What you've been through
has been terribly unfair and wrong,' she said. 'It took a lot of courage
and trust for you to share your story with me. I'm here to support you.'
Her gentle and nonjudgmental approach was an important first step on my
lifelong road to spiritual recovery." – Survivor
Myth: Family violence affects only a small percentage
of the population.
One-third of all women have been kicked, hit or punched, choked, or otherwise
physically abused by a spouse or partner in their lifetimes. Out of three
million women, three percent reported domestic abuse during the past year.
Sixteen percent reported they were either sexually or physically abused
during their childhood (Commonwealth Fund Survey, 1998). In a survey conducted
by the United Methodist Church, one in 13 church members responding had
been physically abused by a spouse and one in four had been verbally or
emotionally abused. An estimated 90% of all domestic violence incidences
go unreported (MN Coalition of Battered Women).
Relying on faith:
In a study of 1,693 rural Minnesota women, 27% of those in Women, Infant
and Children Clinics (WIC) and 18.3% of those in health care clinics reported
experiencing physical, sexual and/or emotional abuse in the past year.
One component of the study examined barriers to survivors obtaining help
from health care providers. One particularly compelling finding identified
that 47.6% of survivors said, "I would rather rely on God to help
me," suggesting that clergy (and faith communities) need to understand
the dynamics of family violence and recognize their role in supporting
survivors and facilitating access to community resources (Kershner, 1998
and 1999).
Characteristics
Family violence survivors may:
- believe the myths about domestic violence;
- be traditionalists about home, family unity and female
sex roles;
- accept responsibility for the abuser's behavior;
- have low self-esteem;
- feel guilt, self-blame, shame and self-hatred and deny
the legitimacy of their own feelings and needs;
- show martyr-like endurance and passive acceptance;
- hold unrealistic hopes that change is imminent;
- become increasingly socially isolated;
- act compliant, helpless and powerless in order to appease
the offender and prevent further abuse;
- define themselves in terms of other people's needs;
- have a high risk for drug and alcohol addictions;
- exhibit stress disorders, depression and psychosomatic
complaints
- show anxiety, apprehension, fearfulness, nervousness,
panic attacks;
- display poor grooming;
- have poor eye contact (can also be cultural);
- experience mood swings;
- suffer from excessive worry, phobic; and/or
- feel hopeless, helpless, inability to cope.
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