|
|
Helping
Survivors Deal With Grief
There are several ways that congregational nurses can help
surivors though their grief process:
- Be present, use active listening, and touch – and
recognize when a silent presence is most important
- Describe the normal grief process and what to expect
- Support their need for ritual, a memorial or funeral
service, and traditions
- Acknowledge and validate their relationship to the deceased\
- Identify support systems
- Help them connect to bereavement specialists, support
groups, and other resources
- Actualize their loss, and help them
envision living without the deceased
- Provide a means for them to identify and express feelings
- Bring out life review when appropriate, using photos,
journals, music and art
- Offer spitirual support and referrals
- Respect and encourage use of cultural
practices, rituals and traditions
- Encourage healthy coping mechanisms, such as social
support, exercise, proper nutrition, and rest
Helpful and unhelpful comments in speaking to the bereaved
include:
| Unhelpful Comments |
Helpful Comments |
| I know exactly how you are feeling |
I am sorry that you are going through this painful process |
| I can imagine how you are feeling |
It must be hard to accept that this has happened |
| I understand how you are feeling |
It is okay to grieve and be really angry with God and anyone else |
| I’m always here for you, call me if you
need anything |
I can bring dinner over either Tuesday or Friday – which will
be better for you |
| You should be over this by now, it’s time
you moved on |
Griveing takes time – don’t feel pushed to hurry through
it |
| You are so lucky that you had so many years together |
I did not know _____, will you tell me about him |
| At least you have your children |
It’s not your fault, you did everything you could do |
| You’re young, you’ll meet someone
else |
What’s the most scary part about facing the future without
_____ |
| At least her suffering is over, she is in a better
place right now |
You will never forget ______, will you |
| He lived a really long an full life |
It’s not easy for you, is it – tell me what you miss
the most |
| How old was he |
He meant a lot to you |
Children, in particular have special issues as they grieve.
Three prominent themes emerge:
- Did I cause the death to happen? Children
often engage in magical thinking, believing they have special powers.
Often, it’s not unusual for a child to think, “I wish you
were dead” when they have been scolded by a mother, or if they
have argued with a sibling. If the mother or sibling were to die, and
child may thing that her thoughts actually caused the death.
- Is it going to happen to me? The death
of someone close, especially if it is another child, makes it difficult
for a young person to accept. If the child thinks that the death might
have been prevented, he may think that he could also easily die.
- Who is going to take care of me? Children
rely on parents and older adults in order to feel safe and secure. When
a child is grieving and adult who has been close to her, she may wonder
who will take care of her now.
There are special ways to help children cope with death,
including:
- Read the child the book, “The Fall of Freddie
the Leaf” by Leo Buscaglia
- Do not be afraid to ask their very direct questions
with direct answers
- You can explain that there are only three reasons why
people die: they are 1) very, very, very sick; 2) very, very, very old;
or, 3) very, very very hurt
- Use simple and truthful answers and questions, and use
direct language – words like “death” and “died”
rather than “passed on” or “gone to the Lord”
- Discuss religion in simple terms, too. Avoid saying,
“God took your dad to heaven to be with Him”, because this
can create fear for the child that he might be taken, too.
- Do not compare death to sleep, which also creates fears
- Tell the child what she can expect during the dying
process, the funeral, and other rituals
- Help the child create a memory book, using drawings,
pictures, collages, written memories, etc.
|
