Introduction

Important Issues in the
   Care of the Dying

Your “Job” in the Death and
   Dying Process

Hierarchy of the Dying
   Person’s Needs

Living with Spiritual Distress

Overview on Death from a
   Traditional Jewish Perspective

The Role of Culture and Diversity

Signs of Impending Death

Resources

Action Ideas That Work

“Real” Intersection of Systems

Helping Individuals Face Important
   Decisions at the End of Life

Questions That are Good    Conversation Starters

Common Questions and Answers

Advance Care Planning

Advance Health Care Directive

Living Will

Durable Power of Attorney for
    Health Affairs

Hospice Care

Helping Survivors Deal With Grief

Questions and Answers About
    Health Care Directives

Handouts

References

Questions That are Good Conversation Starters

Loved ones often have a harder time adjusting to an individual’s imminent death than the dying person does. They try to coach the person by saying, “You can beat this – nothing gets you down!” “What does your doctor know, anyway. You’ve hardly been sick a day in your life!” Or, “Your grandbabies need you – don’t give up now!”

However, it is important that you recognize and honor the adjustment individuals are making in preparation of their death. Often, they need companionship without words. At other times, they need to know it is okay for them to admit their fears about death. By being impartial, you give them permission to discuss topics that their loved ones may not want to hear.

Several organizations concerned with end-of-life issues offer a variety of question that you can use to start productive conversations:

• “It seems that you’re more worried today than you have been. What are you thinking about …”
• “It must be hard to make sense about what is happening…”
• “You’ve had to absorb a lot these past weeks (months). What is most on your mind right now…”
• “It is normal for you to feel uncertain or frightened at times. I will be here when you need me to...”
• “I know you must feel overwhelmed. Let’s plan on talking about this when I visit you next week.”
• “Do you understand what the doctor has told you? Tell me what you think about what she said…”
• “What do you feel you have control over right now? What do you want to maintain control over?”
• “We don’t have to talk right now. Can I just sit with you for awhile?”
• “It seems like you are being torn in many directions. What is really important to you right now?”
• “Have you thought about who you would want to speak for you if you can no longer speak for yourself?”
• "What do you think is most important to your family?"
• “What are you concerned about right now? What concerns you about the future?”
• “What do you wish you could still do?”
• “What are the things that bring you joy and comfort?”
• “What are you most important relationships? Is there anyone that you would want to visit with? Is there anyone you don’t want to see?”
• “How do you want to live the rest of your life?”
• “Where do you want to live the rest of your life?”
• “What in your religion brings you comfort?”
• “How does it make you feel to know that you will probably die from this disease…”
• For those individuals who will not admit that they are dying, you may want to think about offering a way to talk about a contingency plan, “You know that you are very sick. Just in case you continue to worsen, you might want to think about…”